Whitehood

To the one who changed after meeting new friends,

September 22, 2021
By Faizan Ali
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To emotional fools,

September 14, 2021
By Faizan Ali
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You think deeply about the matters that get trivialized by others. You probably stay up late mulling over a petty fight that took place between you and your friend. A fight, long forgotten, by your friend who by now must have drifted off to sleep, leaves you to sulk all night. It takes you comparatively more time than your friends to get such small things off of your mind and move on.

When you, already late, are on the way to the office along with your friend and happen to spot an old lady struggling to cross the road, you immediately reach out to her and walk her safely to the other side. You helped her willingly in the face of strong opposition from your friend. You knew that you both are running behind time and so would surely be getting a good dressing down from your boss, yet you chose to stop midway through and help, as, unlike your friend you care and are a little too compassionate to be overlooking someone who’s in great need of help.

The betrayal smoothly makes its way to you when you unknowingly end up entangling threads of attachments in some wrong hands. Trusting anyone too soon and later regretting it makes you question your shattered heart as to why it is always in hurry.

All of this drives you to transform yourself on whole. You try hard to not be selfless anymore. You try hard to not trust anyone and everyone anymore. You try learning hard to eclipse everyone at work. You try hard to not overthink anymore. You try hard to not come close to anyone anymore. You try hard to not keep faith intact in kindness anymore.

Let me tell you, being too much hard on your heart won’t do any good. It would rather make matters worse by draining you out both emotionally and mentally. Instead, all you should do is set boundaries and don’t let anyone and everyone enter in. People who will understand you, will accept the mellow you, support you, stay with you, and care about you as passionately as you do. And those who will rather choose to mock you, backstab you, call you an emotional fool, and then abandon you eventually, you might as well turn your back on them.

You need to realize that you are not alone; you will find almost everyone around misty-eyed just like you. It is just that, that they do not expose their tender side, as they live under the false impression that today’s mentality perceives the revealing of this tender side as an act of weakness. However, you, despite this misconception, must remember at all times that one will never be a little too emotional or a little less practical to fit into modern times, for every dull and lifeless wall requires colours to appear bright and alive.
From someone as emotional as you all.

Express what i feel

To the best friend, I fell for

September 04, 2021
By Faizan Ali
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Hey You,

You walked into my life and damn, you made a mark. At first, you were just a friend that I genuinely enjoyed spending time with. We had similar tastes, interests, and values. You were there when I needed help with my studies and stuck by me through mental breakdowns, moments of weakness, and even heartbreak – from others, and you.

I’ve never met anybody like you. You’re beautiful, genuine, smart, caring and, well, you’re able to handle me, which I applaud you for. You’re there for me and that's what made me put all my trust in you. I’m able to open up to you knowing you won’t judge me or spill to anyone. You give me advice and support me. You hold my hand when I need someone to keep me up. You believe in me.

When I began falling for you, I was good at ignoring the feelings at first for the sake of our friendship. But, our friendship kept getting stronger by the day and so did my feelings. I knew that what I was feeling was forbidden. I knew that acting on those feelings was not an option. I was falling for my best friend – somebody I couldn’t have in that romantic way. I didn't want to risk losing a friend or making the situation weird. The last thing I ever wanted was for us to lose the relationship we had because that was more important to me than anything else in the world.

But, the time finally came – I had to be honest with you for my sanity. Once I told you how I felt and you said you didn't feel the same, my heart shattered. It hurt, a lot. I was prepared for that, but it still stung. I convinced myself I could get past the heartache. I figured that having you in my life as my friend was better than not having you at all. I thought I could just push my feelings aside and pretend to be okay, no matter how hard it was going to be.

To be honest, it was rough. It still is rough at times.

I'm not going to lie. It's hard hanging out like we always used to with you knowing how I feel about you, along with everything that's happened between us. It's difficult acting like I'm 100 percent okay like I'm over you and like having a close relationship doesn't bother me. But, I'm happy to keep pretending that it’s all okay to keep things the same.

If you were to ask me now where I think we stand, I would say we're not friends anymore. We're more than friends. We are way past just friends and you know it. We aren't together, though, and I am completely fine with that, I am. I know that I care about you a whole freaking lot, and I hope you feel the same.
People probably call me crazy for staying this close to you. But, I don't care. You're my best friend and that tops everything. We need each other in our lives to keep things interesting. I normally don’t make promises, but I will make one promise to you: You’re my best friend and, as such, I will always be there for you. I will continue to support you, help you, comfort you, and be there when you need me for whatever reason, even if another girl breaks your heart. I'll be there for you. Why would anybody dare to hurt you? How could anybody hurt you? I'm hoping you'll be there for me too, for whatever I need. That's the way things are meant to be.
Who knows, maybe one day it’ll happen. Maybe one day, after toning down this whirlwind of emotions and getting past this awful timing, the universe will bring us together. Maybe one day, you’ll feel for me like I feel for you, and when that day comes, we’ll take it as it goes. I’m in no rush to get to that point. I’m not hoping or wishing for it to happen. I don’t need that to happen. I just need you.

Express what i feel

To the Person, I see in the Mirror daily

August 09, 2021
By Faizan Ali
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To the Person, I see in the Mirror daily

Dear You,

Hi! It’s been a long time since we sat together to have a chit-chat session. So I’m here again, standing right in front of you, reading this letter out loud to you.

Every morning I come here and look at you. Every morning I take a few minutes to stare at you with my questions. And every morning I walk away without getting any answers. I don’t know what it is that is creating this gap between us. But I want to erase whatever it is.

My questions include complaints that I have for you. I’m always complaining about how you think, about how you look at the world, about your plans for your life and a million other things that do not satisfy me. The jar of my questions is actually filled with such useless complaints and needless expectations. These expectations are those that are left unfulfilled by the world and I pour them on you. I discard all that here without even thinking you’re not even at fault!

So I’m here to mend things. I’m here to apologize. I’m here to make peace with the fact that you and I are one. I’m here to tell you that you are not incomplete without those who left you; you are not unsuccessful if you failed at a task; you are not dumb if you don’t know everything; you are not bad if you said no to someone; you are not a coward if you take time to analyze your risks and plan your moves forward; you are not alone if you don’t have anyone to talk to; you are not what I’ve always made you think you are.

You are so much more! You are the reason why I wake up every morning. You taught me to take my own stand. You are the reason why my courage never falls when I know I’m right. You taught me to realize and apologize whenever I go wrong.

And that is why I’m here today. I promise to make you feel proud. And more than that, I promise to make you happy. I promise to work with all my heart and accept whatever comes my way without any critical analysis. I promise to be there for you. I promise to come here every morning and smile at you with love rather than looking at you with doubts.

I know, you are my one and only answer to everything.

Campus Eve

Dear Ex,

July 22, 2021
By Faizan Ali
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People come and depart for a reason and now, I know the reason. I know why you came to me like a beautiful raindrop and left like unexpected lightning.

The first day in college when I saw you reading the newspaper while all others were busy chatting, I felt a spark. Your intelligence is what attracted me the most. During our college days, we never confessed our feelings and remained friends. But after graduation, one day we kept talking only to realize we should have opened our hearts much before.

Next, one year gifted me the best moments of my life. Though our friends made fun of us saying that our relationship is filled with more general knowledge than love, we were happy in our small world.

From an adamant and reserved teenager, you helped me turn into a mature and jovial woman. With you, I understood that life is also about listening to others and not just sticking to your own.

I still remember that day on the beach, when you turned up late. Instead of hugging me tight and saying sorry you shook me. You said you'd to leave India and long-distance relationship won't work so it is better to put an end to this. I was shattered.

But then if parting away from me will keep you happy, I'll be the first person to say yes. With tears trickling down my cheeks, I gave you the last kiss and as the bright sun dived into the deep ocean, our love too died an irrecoverable death.

It was difficult to get over but you'd made me strong enough to handle many situation. Ironically I'd to bring that maturity to forget you and move on. I never hated you because love, if it was in the true sense, can never turn into hate.

You made me realize my passion for writing and today I am writing our love story as my first novel though it is an incomplete one. But then, who remembers about complete love stories, right?.

Our love story will reach your bookshelf sooner or later. And I can imagine your naughty smile after reading my note on it. "To the man who came to my life, made me fall in love with him and letters".

In my next birth, I want to live a complete love story with you, so mind you no excuses will be entertained.

Love
An aspiring novelist and your ex-lover

Express what i feel

To my fellow overthinker

July 22, 2021
By Faizan Ali
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Are you too thinking about crossing the sea to reach that stranded island? Do your twinkling yet

watery eyes give you a sound sleep too? If yes, then don't worry. You are not alone in
experiencing these uncontrollable feelings. I am here too!

There has been something that I have wanted to share for a long time. I haven't said it to anyone,
but I think I can pour it to you. My heart beats a little faster every time someone says that
overthinkers are no one but mere attention seekers. I am sure you might have heard it at some
point in your life too. Haven't you?

These words feel like nothing but a person standing alone in a shallow forest amid the loud
thundering. On some days, I want to be open and let my secrets out. But on other days, I just
want to lock these secrets in a door unnoticeable by people. Ahh., you feel that too, right?

But do you know what I really want to do? I want to let the cool breeze shed a smile on my face
while it blows a kiss on my cheeks. I want to fly high in the sky with a flock of birds to capture
the beauty of my city from above. And I want to build a home full of delicious chocolate and
juicy strawberries to let my soul smell like their aroma.
My heart has built a tiny home of its own within these dreams and intends to stay here for a
lifetime. And you know you can't separate anyone from a place they are madly in love with. Can you?

Maybe after a while, these dreams might take a piece of my heart with them. But it's because of
these unfiltered thoughts, that I want to let the world know one thing. That we overthinkers have
immense capability to create beautiful imaginations. Yes, these imaginations might not turn into
reality but will not leave a chance to please someone's soul. Our thoughts might be unusual, but
so is our love. We overthink and we over love too.

Just for once, visit our world and you will know that it is not only filled with sorrows but the
scents of sunflowers too. It is not only filled with tears but the sound of a scenic waterfall too.
And let me tell you mate. If I can pour out my feelings in front of the world, then you can too!

Express what i feel

To My Best Friend Who Hasn't Felt Like Herself Lately

July 15, 2021
By Faizan Ali
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Let's skip the formalities, please? Cause we both know how awkward it gets and how badly we suck at introductions.

This letter is special in a way that by the time you finish reading, you would no more feel like falling apart. The pieces would come back to you and with the prettiest smile on your face, you would pick those pieces of you scattered at your feet, and wear them like a queen. The world that had begun to shatter, wouldn't anymore and even if it did, you would see me at the other end, standing with a plate of momos, waiting for you to come so that you can see through my eyes how beautiful you are, inside out.

At times we don't have control over what happens in our life. It just does while we are busy looking at our crushes. (Could I ever be serious?) By the way, this was to make you smile for I know you haven't really smiled lately. No, forming a sweet little curve with your lips isn't how I define a smile. A smile comes from within and that's missing these days. Where did my best friend go? Who would laugh at her own jokes and stare with those judgy little eyes at people we both dislike. Things get tough sometimes and we feel like losing ourselves in an attempt to find our identity, something like an existential crisis but isn't that what life is? When you know your pieces are breaking and scattering apart but instead of watching them lose their way, you catch hold of them, pick them randomly, and try forming an identifiable shape, just like a riddle. It's like when a child is at his learning stage and different square-shaped alphabets are scattered on the floor, just for him to arrange them to form a word, then a sentence, then a paragraph. What if that paragraph doesn't make sense? Would he abandon his life? Would he be asked to lose hope and sit idle? Rather, he would start again. Rearranging the alphabets, into words, into sentences, finally into a story that would be worth all the pain.

So what I am trying to point out here with this not-so-little metaphor (better you call it an allegory) is that no matter how difficult and exhaustive life gets, it's never too late to start again. Never too late to find yourself again, especially when you are stuck amidst a crowd and no identifiable face around, instead of drowning in a pool of tears, you got to look up and watch the sky burning with the rays of the sun, just to let the light reach you and what good are you doing by switching off the light, drenching in darkness?
Remember, I am always here.

Pages

Whitehood

To the one who changed after meeting new friends,

To emotional fools,

To the best friend, I fell for

To the Person, I see in the Mirror daily

Dear Ex,

To my fellow overthinker

To My Best Friend Who Hasn't Felt Like Herself Lately

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