Whitehood: September 2021

To the one who changed after meeting new friends,

September 22, 2021
By Mohd Faizan Ali
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To emotional fools,

September 14, 2021
By Mohd Faizan Ali
0 Comments

You think deeply about the matters that get trivialized by others. You probably stay up late mulling over a petty fight that took place between you and your friend. A fight, long forgotten, by your friend who by now must have drifted off to sleep, leaves you to sulk all night. It takes you comparatively more time than your friends to get such small things off of your mind and move on.

When you, already late, are on the way to the office along with your friend and happen to spot an old lady struggling to cross the road, you immediately reach out to her and walk her safely to the other side. You helped her willingly in the face of strong opposition from your friend. You knew that you both are running behind time and so would surely be getting a good dressing down from your boss, yet you chose to stop midway through and help, as, unlike your friend you care and are a little too compassionate to be overlooking someone who’s in great need of help.

The betrayal smoothly makes its way to you when you unknowingly end up entangling threads of attachments in some wrong hands. Trusting anyone too soon and later regretting it makes you question your shattered heart as to why it is always in hurry.

All of this drives you to transform yourself on whole. You try hard to not be selfless anymore. You try hard to not trust anyone and everyone anymore. You try learning hard to eclipse everyone at work. You try hard to not overthink anymore. You try hard to not come close to anyone anymore. You try hard to not keep faith intact in kindness anymore.

Let me tell you, being too much hard on your heart won’t do any good. It would rather make matters worse by draining you out both emotionally and mentally. Instead, all you should do is set boundaries and don’t let anyone and everyone enter in. People who will understand you, will accept the mellow you, support you, stay with you, and care about you as passionately as you do. And those who will rather choose to mock you, backstab you, call you an emotional fool, and then abandon you eventually, you might as well turn your back on them.

You need to realize that you are not alone; you will find almost everyone around misty-eyed just like you. It is just that, that they do not expose their tender side, as they live under the false impression that today’s mentality perceives the revealing of this tender side as an act of weakness. However, you, despite this misconception, must remember at all times that one will never be a little too emotional or a little less practical to fit into modern times, for every dull and lifeless wall requires colours to appear bright and alive.
From someone as emotional as you all.

Express what i feel

To the best friend, I fell for

September 04, 2021
By Mohd Faizan Ali
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Hey You,

You walked into my life and damn, you made a mark. At first, you were just a friend that I genuinely enjoyed spending time with. We had similar tastes, interests, and values. You were there when I needed help with my studies and stuck by me through mental breakdowns, moments of weakness, and even heartbreak – from others, and you.

I’ve never met anybody like you. You’re beautiful, genuine, smart, caring and, well, you’re able to handle me, which I applaud you for. You’re there for me and that's what made me put all my trust in you. I’m able to open up to you knowing you won’t judge me or spill to anyone. You give me advice and support me. You hold my hand when I need someone to keep me up. You believe in me.

When I began falling for you, I was good at ignoring the feelings at first for the sake of our friendship. But, our friendship kept getting stronger by the day and so did my feelings. I knew that what I was feeling was forbidden. I knew that acting on those feelings was not an option. I was falling for my best friend – somebody I couldn’t have in that romantic way. I didn't want to risk losing a friend or making the situation weird. The last thing I ever wanted was for us to lose the relationship we had because that was more important to me than anything else in the world.

But, the time finally came – I had to be honest with you for my sanity. Once I told you how I felt and you said you didn't feel the same, my heart shattered. It hurt, a lot. I was prepared for that, but it still stung. I convinced myself I could get past the heartache. I figured that having you in my life as my friend was better than not having you at all. I thought I could just push my feelings aside and pretend to be okay, no matter how hard it was going to be.

To be honest, it was rough. It still is rough at times.

I'm not going to lie. It's hard hanging out like we always used to with you knowing how I feel about you, along with everything that's happened between us. It's difficult acting like I'm 100 percent okay like I'm over you and like having a close relationship doesn't bother me. But, I'm happy to keep pretending that it’s all okay to keep things the same.

If you were to ask me now where I think we stand, I would say we're not friends anymore. We're more than friends. We are way past just friends and you know it. We aren't together, though, and I am completely fine with that, I am. I know that I care about you a whole freaking lot, and I hope you feel the same.
People probably call me crazy for staying this close to you. But, I don't care. You're my best friend and that tops everything. We need each other in our lives to keep things interesting. I normally don’t make promises, but I will make one promise to you: You’re my best friend and, as such, I will always be there for you. I will continue to support you, help you, comfort you, and be there when you need me for whatever reason, even if another girl breaks your heart. I'll be there for you. Why would anybody dare to hurt you? How could anybody hurt you? I'm hoping you'll be there for me too, for whatever I need. That's the way things are meant to be.
Who knows, maybe one day it’ll happen. Maybe one day, after toning down this whirlwind of emotions and getting past this awful timing, the universe will bring us together. Maybe one day, you’ll feel for me like I feel for you, and when that day comes, we’ll take it as it goes. I’m in no rush to get to that point. I’m not hoping or wishing for it to happen. I don’t need that to happen. I just need you.

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Whitehood

To the one who changed after meeting new friends,

To emotional fools,

To the best friend, I fell for

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